[ Clive does not know how long it takes. Time was not something that was on his mind when he decided to head to Joshua. Truly, he was only doing so in order to give his brother peace of mind.
So when he does show, he watches his little brother from the doorway for a little bit. ]
Joshua.
[ Had he knocked? Probably not. Should he have? Possibly. Nothing matter at the moment except for his little brother. He would find a way to quell his little brother's worries, one way or another. ]
[ The hug is unexpected but he wraps his arms around his brother in a hug of his own, not letting Joshua get too far from him when he steps back. Unfortunately, he knows that he can't stay standing in the doorway.
That meant he'd have to let go of his little brother in order to step into the room. ]
[ Good reason? Was there ever a good reason to talk about one's demise? Or the talk of planning one's own demise. Yes, his brother had a habit of overreacting sometimes but who could blame him. Clive wouldn't.
He moves over to the little couch and sits down on it, quiet for a moment as his brother talks. ]
It didn't feel sudden to me.
[ His mind strays sometimes and there are days he's sure Joshua should live far more than himself. That? It is not something his little brother needs to worry himself over though. Something that he, himself, does not need to voice.
No matter what faith Joshua has in him he will always believe that faith and hope should be placed with the phoenix. Not with a monster. ]
[ There are days where Clive thinks that he's a monster. That his eikon is a monster. Days where he wonders how to get rid of Ifrit and other days where he's perfect fine with the beast of an eikon.
Tell him... What was there to really tell? ]
What're we doing, Joshua?
[ He's tired and feels far too worn out. Then again, he doesn't really take time to himself either. Him nor his brother are good about relaxing. ]
[ Joshua watches him for a moment. Then reaches to gently brush hair from Clive's temple, a small caress. It is his brother's turn to feel the weight of it all, isn't it. ]
Two things, as far as I can see.
For one, we are trying to bring about the world that Father knew ours could be, even if his method was gentler.
[ Immediate, and with a flash of steel in his eyes that Clive had been unconscious for, before. Joshua had said no, and he'll keep saying no.
The he breathes out, softening again. His gaze does not waver. ]
He wanted all to be seen as equal. Not better or worse, judged not for the circumstances of their birth, but by their deeds. As he did not have the power that a Dominant does, but the power that a ruler does, he did what he could. Warm the hearts of men, hoping for the best in us.
And his faith was not misplaced... Other than in one person. [ At this, his gaze does flicker away. Maybe one day he will forgive himself for taking after their Mother, rather than him. Today is certainly not that day. And, yes, he knows he can't change that, only act like him, not her. Still... ] But he couldn't know that without something bigger happening, the world just doesn't have enough time for the gentler way he began.
[ Joshua's hand moves again, this time to hold Clive's. Squeeze it. ]
But the fighting can only help so much. When the Mothercrystals are all gone, the sword is not all that will be needed.Then it is that Father's kindness and hope will be what can get our realm through.
[ If Clive hadn't of opened his eyes when he did then he would not have seen the steel in those eyes this time. Hearing his brother defy a so-called god shouldn't fill him with pride but it does. ]
Nor would I let him have me, Joshua.
[ Ultima had another thing coming if he thought that Clive, or Ifrit, would just roll over belly up and present themselves to him. No, he would fight and make sure to protect those around him. Make the world better for those around him.
Even if there were days he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing or not. ]
Sometimes I think that faith was misplaced. Or that his faith could've been placed in someone else.
[ His brother had faith in him. Jill had faith in him. Hell, he's sure even Torgal had faith in him and that was interesting to think about. He does, however, feel that hand squeeze his own. ]
Fighting is what I do. What would I even do if I did no longer needed my sword?
[ However, his brother was right too. The sword would not be all that was needed. Not if they expected to bring the realm together. Words were needed. People like Jill and Joshua were needed. Like Quintin and Isabelle. Those who had the interest of the people in their hearts. ]
If I am to do this then I need you there with me, Joshua.
[ Joshua takes a slow breath, then can't help the gentle smile with which he looks at Clive. Even as he tamps down the urge to fight against each thought of his brother's. Tired as he looks, that isn't going to help, is it? He might persuade his mind, possibly, but not comfort him.
(Even knowing his own path is irreversible. Especially knowing that it is.) ]
Is fighting what you do, or what you have had to do, again and again and again, until it took everything else from you?
[ He doesn't ask it as a question with a forgone conclusion. There is genuine curiosity in it. The two of them have still spent a very, very long time apart from each other, and there is much to learn about one another still, even with the ways they knew each other, and the ways they were rather certain they knew each other.
Joshua doesn't want Clive to yield. He wants to help. ]
[ Honestly? Clive was tired. Physically and emotionally. His brother was there, though, and he knows that he'll be fine. Even if a part of him wonders if Joshua will be gone come morning. That? He can't allow himself to think about. Even if it was something that had crossed his mind more than once.
The question makes him think. He's not entirely sure he even has an actual answer to it, even. Was it what he did? What he's had to do? Or was it a mix of both? He's not entirely sure.
Though, really, hadn't Joshua's death taken everything away from him. For the longest time he hadn't even wanted to live. ]
I've never thought about it. I just know that fighting is what I do. It's what I'm good at, what I've always been good at.
[ He'd been his brother's shield after all. Though, he'd failed that task ten times over as far as he was concerned. He hadn't protected him. ]
[ Joshua is here. If he'll be gone, it won't be tomorrow. As long as he can fight it, he will.
He nods, carefully, accepting the answer. It's all right to not know. While Joshua spent years unconscious, and years yet after that recovering enough to be self-sufficient, all this time cared for and attended and protected, Clive had to fight for his life, every day of those years. Alone, scorned, without any reason for hope. (Not that... Joshua had much of a reason for hope, after he woke up. Not that, for a long time, he wanted to recover - he knew he owed it to people who looked to the Phoenix, and none of them to him, but that is a different thing. But he was still sheltered, held precious. Clive had had none of that.) ]
You always have been good at that, but also other things. Your room was full of books. You could make people trust you and follow you, as a leader. Because you were not afraid of hard work alongside them. And also... give them heart. Give me heart.
So it's not only one thing you have to do. Not anymore.
[ He cants his head to one side, then leans it, lowering his voice as though to share a secret. ]
And, sometimes, for a little bit at a time, you can even do nothing. There is this thing called rest.
[ Being branded had him fighting for his life, every single day. No one wanted anything to do with him. Then he'd gone against those that had given him the name Wyvern. Who had taken him in all due to seeing Jill again. Between Cid and Jill he'd re-gained hope. Though that had taken a bit before he paid much attention to it. After all, he'd thought his brother dead.
Joshua being alive had made his life worth living. Even though he'd accepted his eikon and what had happened he still didn't trust himself, on good days. Or maybe he did and he just told himself that he didn't. He wasn't as afraid anymore. The only thing he was afraid of was losing his brother. That wasn't something he could go through again. ]
I only have those books because I enjoy reading. As for the people, I don't want to make them do anything. If they're going to follow me then I want them to do it of their own free will.
[ People had followed Cid. The man had given them something to strive for.
He gives his brother a tired smile. ]
I will rest when you learn to rest, Joshua. Otherwise, I will continue on as I always have.
[ What was this rest that his little brother even spoke of? When was the last time he'd done so? ]
Of course they follow you of their free will. Because you care. Because you are trustworthy, and you would not abandon them or ignore them. You are a good man, Clive. One of the best any of us have ever known. Even with all that you have done.
[ He knows it weighs on Clive. He knew it had to have been weighing down on Clive from the moment he found out that his brother was alive, that impossible moment when the world finally made sense again. What Ifrit did to the Phoenix, yes, but also the years after that, when he had become a blade, a flame, used by others to cause harm. To cause death.
But even with that, Clive was one of the best people in the world, and that is entirely aside from Joshua's own adoration of him. It's simply fact. Even Lady Charon would agree, and nobody can argue that her sight is keen and discerning.
After a moment, Joshua makes a mock offended face, his hand again squeezing Clive's. ]
I too do know how to rest!
I just... [ now the smile falters. ] have had too much of it.
[ Which is true. Five years unconscious, and most of the following three unable to rise from his bed, or not for long. He has had enough rest for a lifetime. And...
He doesn't have all that much time left to afford himself to rest.
But Clive doesn't need that reminder. ]
Still, if that is what it'll take you to slow down and rest a bit, I can absolutely rest with you.
I'd be a hypocrite if I abandoned them or ignored them.
[ Though, he didn't believe that he was one of the best of any of them.
Life had weighed him down for many different reasons. His brother being alive and not dead. What Ifrit did to the Phoenix at Phoenix Gate... Becoming a blade for those that would rather do harm or cause death.
He might not believe that he was one of the best people in the world but he has those who think he is. Like Jill, Joshua, and yes... even Lady Charon. Someone no one would argue with. Arguing with that woman would get someone a severe tongue lashing.
Seeing that mock offended look has him raising a brow. Joshua didn't rest. Not even when Tarja tells him to. ]
Your body needs the rest, Joshua.
[ Says the man who does not rest himself. Though, he hated seeing that faltering smile. Joshua had been through quite a bit too and he hated that he hadn't been there for him through it. ]
That is what it will take, Joshua. I will rest when you do.
[ It is difficult to ignore, the amazing example they had before them. And that he felt himself short, too. Joshua understands, and that is why he would only argue up to a point... but never fail to reassure.
His brother deserves all the support anyone can ever give him.
After a moment, he grins a little wider. ]
I'd argue that I'm fine, but ... that won't help my cause, will it.
Let us go rest, then. If my body needs it, I could say the same about both your body and mind. All right?
[ Clive is glad for the support that he's given. Without it? He has a feeling that he would fail miserably and that is not something he'd want to do. Not when there were so many people relying on him.
That wide grin has him giving a bit of a smile. ]
No, it won't help your cause.
Let's just go rest, Joshua. That sounds like a good plan right now.
[ His body and mind both needed the rest, more than likely. ]
[ Another squeeze of his hand, and Joshua rose, tugging at Clive to join him. On the bed. Now.
It wasn't so rare that Clive would have coaxed him to bed when they were very young, but back then Joshua couldn't see how tired Clive himself had been. His big brother had been too great, too amazing in his eyes. And now he still was, but he could recognize the signs now.
And, honestly, while his mind rebelled against the idea of being still now, rest was not entirely unappealing. His bed wasn't too large, but it could fit them both. ]
[ Perhaps that is all he needed. Joshua's reassurance. Others could tell him the same but it wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't be his brother's reassurance. Wouldn't be what he needed to hear. It wouldn't be the right words said.
He feels that hand squeeze his own and lets his little brother tug at him. Though, he didn't really want to get off the couch. After a moment he does and they could make their way toward the bed.
If he holds his little brother close as if to protect him, like he did when they were little, then who was to stop him? The bed itself, though, didn't need to be large. Just big enough for them both to fit and give them time to rest. To sleep and hopefully slow down their minds, at least for a few hours. ]
[ Joshua did consider offering his lap for his brother to just lie sideways into, but then that might have started an argument that only Clive would be resting like that, and he's really, really not up for arguments. Not right now.
Not when the weight of everything is already so heavy on his brother's shoulders, and he wants to ease him, not make it worse.
And... while a part of him wants to wrap around his big brother and make sure he isn't going anywhere, he curls in as he used to, on his side, for Clive to big spoon him, familiar and easy. ]
[ That surety helps more than his brother realizes. Not that Clive would say that, not at the moment, but it helped. If he can't be sure in himself then he knows his brother was sure enough in the wake of his insularity.
Joshua could've offered his lap but then neither of them would rest, neither would truly sleep. So, that just wasn't something that he'd want to do. The bed would be far more comfortable for the both of them.
Once they're both in the bed Clive lays on his side behind his brother and wraps an arm around him, almost as if afraid Joshua would disappear on him. Though he knows that his brother wouldn't leave, not of his own accord. Not again. ]
G'night, Joshua.
[ He hopes that his brother can get some semblance of sleep. ]
[ There are things that Joshua is adamantly certain of. He has had to rearrange his world due to new information several times during his life, but there are things that are immutable. Clive's goodness is one of them.
And he has not been wrong. Not once. Not even with all the things that Clive has done.
For now, he settles, and there is a soft smile in his voice. ]
Sleep well, brother.
[ And he does his best. The pain is not too bad just now, so he can drift off in the comfort and safety that he has not really known since... a very, very long time ago. A different lifetime.
It's good. ]
[Modern AU side story] Those two should never be friends, and yet ...
[The amount of information Fei Du’s people have gathered on the organisation he has devoted his life to bringing down is staggering. It is very well organized, because Fei Du tends to find the best people and pay them very well for their expertise, but it’s still a lot of files and folders and documents meticulously arranged and rearranged as need be for certain things to make sense.
One particular area of observation and information collecting has been, of course, the car accidents. It was, after all, the genesis of Fei Du’s conscious involvement with the whole thing, and it’s such an unconventional method of getting rid of someone, one that can fail or backfire quite spectacularly if badly executed, that it commands attention. It’s been a whole area of work for his people to collate information about weird car accidents in certain circles, and they have been very efficient at it. So he has a whole lot of those incidents catalogued, mostly in China and South-east Asia, and a few further abroad that may or may not be related but bore too many similarities to be outright ignored.
Fei Du glanced at that information and dismissed it for the time being. It’s more efficient for him to focus on the domestic operation, much faster to cut off the financial flows from close by to make himself some kind of irresistible bait. So it’s still there, at the back of his mind, but certainly not an immediate concern.
Until one day, a rather banal academic conference announcement at his university catches his eye and a name stands out.
‘Joshua Rosfield’
It bothers him for the better part of a day before he ends up calling someone and asking them to pull everything from the archives with the name ‘Rosfield’ on it. An hour later, his secretary hands him a paper folder and a SD card, and he starts reading and refreshing his memory.
A car accident in England. A father and his two children, all dead in the accident. The widow remarrying a well-connected noble in the House of Lords only a few years later, and giving birth to another child.
Or at least, presumed dead, but as it turns out, only Elwin Rosfield died. The elder son, Clive Rosfield, appears to be living a quiet life under an alias after a rather restless stint in the military. He has a few... interesting friends, but nothing on the level Fei Du would feel compelled to investigate further. The younger son, Joshua Rosfield, is a bit more of an enigma. He all but disappeared from public view entirely. There is no social media presence, no pictures, very little is known save for a few academic publications of rather high caliber. All this feels… strange. If the two sons are alive, why are there still graves with both of their names in a cemetery in England? Why has their mother never acknowledged their continued existence, playing the part of a grieving mother and wife instead? And also why are neither of them trying to make their existence known and instead choosing to live in hiding?
And now, one of them is going to be participating in a conference at Fei Du’s university. One look at the details of the car accident, and Fei Du decides that he might as well attend. He sends a message to the police unit to tell them he’ll be absent for a few days because of school work, and on the first day of the conference, he is in the audience.
The man is hard to miss. White freckled skin, bright blue eyes, flame-colored hair, he certainly stands out in the sea of Asian students and academics. Fei Du is often called flashy, but that’s nothing compared to how striking this man looks.
Now to try and find an innocuous way to approach. The first break gives a good occasion, as the guest appears a little lost given that none of the signs are in English.]
If you’re looking for the bathroom, it’s this way.
[ Before leaving, Joshua thought how at least out here, he can be inconspicuous wearing a facial mask, which he knew he would need at the very least because of the travel. So he has that on, which means that only his eyes can be seen smiling, gratefully. Bright blue-green, but also right now slightly bloodshot and tired. Jetlagged, missing his boyfriends already, and trying to hold it together, he does need a few moments in proper privacy to catch a breath and compose himself.
His eyes crinkle a little more, and he nods. ]
Thank you. --um... [ He opts against trying to pronounce the simple words in Mandarin and making a fool of himself, instead glancing down at the man's name tag. ] Mr. --- Fei?
[ He has done his best to try and learn enough to not offend people, but he's very uncertain in his sources. ]
Could you also point me in the direction of the hall that will hold the opening, for later? I won't be long, but you probably have enough to do so I would not wish to bother you again.
[ Joshua knew the language barrier would be a complication, but he did not expect it to be quite so dire. So hearing the ease of English from this conference attendee was an intense relief. ]
[An upside to having been the only child of a rich family, being sent to good schools and being the president of an international conglomerate, Fei Du's english is impeccable. He certainly didn't expect the guest to speak Chinese (nothing in what he has read about the man indicates he does, and his sources are better than most in the world).
He does smile and nod at the reading of his name. That's a little unexpected that he can read that, but welcome.]
No bother. I can wait for you and lead you there when the time comes. I'm a student here, and my professors would not let me hear the end of it if I didn't show proper hospitality to one of our guests, after all.
I do hope they booked you a nice hotel. The university can be a little stingy with that sometimes, but they like to splurge a bit on foreign guests.
[At least, foreign guests they want to impress and this one seems to fit the bill. His professors are all abuzz with his presence.]
[ Joshua has not had the time, nor the overall reason, to learn Chinese. He has far too much to research and do for it. But, once it was established that he would be coming here, he's tried to do at least acquainting himself with the basics. Surname before given name. Emphasis on hierarchy, focus on hospitality, but dignity important. Many things implied rather than outright stated. He is trying - he is going to be relying on people here for so much of what he can even accomplish in this city, it seems respectful and productive both to at least attempt to make this all easier on them.
He does blink, startled, at the offer to wait for him, but that only lasts a moment before his eyes curve into little crescents again. ]
Thank you, then. I will do my best to be quick. My name is Joshua, surname Rosfield, and I am also a student, though perhaps a little further ahead. And I'm very grateful for the opportunity, so when it comes to the hotel... I would not need much, so long as I can sleep and stay warm, there. And, perhaps, have power to do some of my research. Anything beyond that would be a lovely surprise, I think.
Anyway. I shall return shortly.
[ And he goes to find the toilet, where he only spends a brief time calming down his breathing, then washing up his hands and face, clearing his throat as much as he can, and replacing his mask, in order to face the world again.
To his luck, the youth - the student - truly is waiting for him, and he steps closer once again. ]
[Given that Joshua Rosfield is probabl jetlagged and tired, Fei Du figures that it probably is going to take him a while in the bathroom. He is going to have to be social in an academic setting, already a challenge, but also in a place where everyone speaks a foreign language and he can't read any of the signs. And that, on top of jetlag, is exhausting in its own right.
So Fei Du doesn't have any qualms about taking out his PSP to play a bit while waiting, and then pausing the game to return the machine to his bag when the guest comes back. If he's curious, Joshua might see some colorful level with weird black critters.]
I have nothing else to do but be here and listen to the conference today. It's really no trouble.
[The face mask, at least, will serve him well there, because there are many, many surveillance cameras everywhere. And given how much he seems to have tried to disappear, he probably doesn't want to have his face visible on too many of those.
Fei Du remains mild-mannered and helpfulyl points out a few fixtures that might be useful - the elevators, the directions of different departments, the cafeteria - as he leads the way to the auditorium.
At least, until his phone starts to ring.
He takes it out of his bag, see Wenzhou's name, and immediately kills the call.
So of course it starts ringing again right away. He sighs and then simply switches off the phone. Captain Luo probably won't like it, but Fei Du did leave a message at the police station and had his absence excused, so there really is no need for this.
He barely even acknowledges the interruption before they reach the door to the amphitheater.]
This is where things are supposed to happen... but maybe you're supposed to meet one of the professors beforehand?
[ He does need a few moments, but Joshua is sensitive to both how much he has to learn about this place, and someone waiting for him, so it is not too long. And the mask, convenient as it may be for anonymity, is actually worn for its proper purpose, as in, protection from germs. He is very likely to fall ill sooner or later anyway, but he can at least attempt to stave it off as long as possible.
When he emerges from the toilets, his looks around and finds the other youth - Fei Du, if memory serves him right from the conference name tag, thankfully in both scripts - exactly where he left him... and Joshua's heart clenches slightly at recognizing the device he has out as a handheld gaming console. Clive used to have one, back... before, had been teaching him how to play some of the games, too, for when Joshua was bed-bound and Clive had school and such. Now, Joshua doesn't think Clive has anything of the sort, but perhaps that can be fixed. Em.... possibly after consultation with Jill. She might want some more of his time, these days.
The thankful smile, recognizable even with the mask, turns into a slightly more intense, though primarily curious look. ]
Oh? So your focus is the listening to, and not intense curiosity with what you can learn about the topics that will be discussed?
[ There is a subtle difference - the way it was phrased put emphasis on the time, not the content - but it might well be language difference. Hence Joshua makes it an overexposure of the other emphasis in an attempt at levity, paired with his light tone and audible grin. There is nothing wrong with not being as intense about the content of a conference, either. It is an interesting mix between recent history and current events, very deliberately politically cleaned up to an extent that even Joshua can recognize. And a day or two of lectures and seminars might be the kind of variety that a student might need.
It just... piqued his interest, is all.
Then he chuckles and shrugs a little. ]
I already did that part, Professor Jiang was kind enough to spend time with me and figure out the events that I would most be interested in - and where I would be expected to be, most of the time, she went on to prepare for the opening.
That said - if you need to take that call, I can wait, in turn - it is no trouble.
[Fei Du gives a polite laugh at the slightly cheeky remark.]
My area of study is a bit different from yours, so there is no direct link for me, but I like to broaden my horizons occasionally and my advisor recommended attending. Besides, it's not every day we welcome a distinguised foreign guest, especially not one who sends all the professors abuzz.
[It had been rather... interesting, delving into Joshua Rosfield's academic career. In spsite of his near complete absence on any kind of social media, he is very respected in his field. His papers and articles and books get cited, and he is a recognized authority on certain topics. Fei Du himself has some publishing under his belt, but not to that level.
He waves the concern about the call away.]
It's no one important. It can wait until later.
[Most probably, a certain someone will be angry if he hears that, but really, it can and will have to wait. Fei Du has managed to make contact, for now, but of course he can't unveil his actual interest right now and there's no telling if he'll manage to dig anything interesting in the short time Joshua Rosfield is here. He doesn't have time to waste explaining to Capain Luo what his note in the absence log book already says.]
Let me ask if they need you somewhere in particular, then, before I go find a seat.
Well. You do have wonderful source material to work with, and on top of that, wonderful taste. I am very grateful to be the recipient of the fruits of your labor.
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rosarianrebirth) wrote2023-08-07 11:57 pm
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[ Joshua doesn't easily get ennerved, but that first message for Clive has him pacing his room just a little. ]
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So when he does show, he watches his little brother from the doorway for a little bit. ]
Joshua.
[ Had he knocked? Probably not. Should he have? Possibly. Nothing matter at the moment except for his little brother. He would find a way to quell his little brother's worries, one way or another. ]
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Sorry, brother. You're getting one (1) little brother giving you a tight hug and maybe his hands clenching into the back of your shirt a little. ]
Clive.
[ He stays like this for a moment, then takes a sharp breath and steps back, shoulders hunching a little more. ]
... sorry. Come in.
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That meant he'd have to let go of his little brother in order to step into the room. ]
You have nothing to be sorry for, Joshua.
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[ All of these are reasons to apologize.
Joshua nods towards the little couch, not too dissimilar from the one in Clive's quarters, and sits on one side of it himself. ]
It was just... A little sudden.
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He moves over to the little couch and sits down on it, quiet for a moment as his brother talks. ]
It didn't feel sudden to me.
[ His mind strays sometimes and there are days he's sure Joshua should live far more than himself. That? It is not something his little brother needs to worry himself over though. Something that he, himself, does not need to voice.
No matter what faith Joshua has in him he will always believe that faith and hope should be placed with the phoenix. Not with a monster. ]
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And Ifrit is not a monster, no more than any of the other Eikons. His brother is certainly not a monster.
For now, Joshua takes in a deep breath. Holds it. ]
Tell me.
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Tell him... What was there to really tell? ]
What're we doing, Joshua?
[ He's tired and feels far too worn out. Then again, he doesn't really take time to himself either. Him nor his brother are good about relaxing. ]
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Two things, as far as I can see.
For one, we are trying to bring about the world that Father knew ours could be, even if his method was gentler.
And, for the other...
Trying to stop Ultima.
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Those eyes close when he feels his brother brush hair away from his temple. ]
Are we even doing this world justice the way that he would've wanted?
[ As for that second part... ]
Trying to stop a god who is hellbent on having me.
[ Just the thought alone causes him to laugh but it's a tired one. He didn't see himself as anything special, after all. ]
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[ Immediate, and with a flash of steel in his eyes that Clive had been unconscious for, before. Joshua had said no, and he'll keep saying no.
The he breathes out, softening again. His gaze does not waver. ]
He wanted all to be seen as equal. Not better or worse, judged not for the circumstances of their birth, but by their deeds. As he did not have the power that a Dominant does, but the power that a ruler does, he did what he could. Warm the hearts of men, hoping for the best in us.
And his faith was not misplaced... Other than in one person. [ At this, his gaze does flicker away. Maybe one day he will forgive himself for taking after their Mother, rather than him. Today is certainly not that day. And, yes, he knows he can't change that, only act like him, not her. Still... ] But he couldn't know that without something bigger happening, the world just doesn't have enough time for the gentler way he began.
[ Joshua's hand moves again, this time to hold Clive's. Squeeze it. ]
But the fighting can only help so much. When the Mothercrystals are all gone, the sword is not all that will be needed.Then it is that Father's kindness and hope will be what can get our realm through.
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Nor would I let him have me, Joshua.
[ Ultima had another thing coming if he thought that Clive, or Ifrit, would just roll over belly up and present themselves to him. No, he would fight and make sure to protect those around him. Make the world better for those around him.
Even if there were days he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing or not. ]
Sometimes I think that faith was misplaced. Or that his faith could've been placed in someone else.
[ His brother had faith in him. Jill had faith in him. Hell, he's sure even Torgal had faith in him and that was interesting to think about. He does, however, feel that hand squeeze his own. ]
Fighting is what I do. What would I even do if I did no longer needed my sword?
[ However, his brother was right too. The sword would not be all that was needed. Not if they expected to bring the realm together. Words were needed. People like Jill and Joshua were needed. Like Quintin and Isabelle. Those who had the interest of the people in their hearts. ]
If I am to do this then I need you there with me, Joshua.
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(Even knowing his own path is irreversible. Especially knowing that it is.) ]
Is fighting what you do, or what you have had to do, again and again and again, until it took everything else from you?
[ He doesn't ask it as a question with a forgone conclusion. There is genuine curiosity in it. The two of them have still spent a very, very long time apart from each other, and there is much to learn about one another still, even with the ways they knew each other, and the ways they were rather certain they knew each other.
Joshua doesn't want Clive to yield. He wants to help. ]
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The question makes him think. He's not entirely sure he even has an actual answer to it, even. Was it what he did? What he's had to do? Or was it a mix of both? He's not entirely sure.
Though, really, hadn't Joshua's death taken everything away from him. For the longest time he hadn't even wanted to live. ]
I've never thought about it. I just know that fighting is what I do. It's what I'm good at, what I've always been good at.
[ He'd been his brother's shield after all. Though, he'd failed that task ten times over as far as he was concerned. He hadn't protected him. ]
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He nods, carefully, accepting the answer. It's all right to not know. While Joshua spent years unconscious, and years yet after that recovering enough to be self-sufficient, all this time cared for and attended and protected, Clive had to fight for his life, every day of those years. Alone, scorned, without any reason for hope. (Not that... Joshua had much of a reason for hope, after he woke up. Not that, for a long time, he wanted to recover - he knew he owed it to people who looked to the Phoenix, and none of them to him, but that is a different thing. But he was still sheltered, held precious. Clive had had none of that.) ]
You always have been good at that, but also other things. Your room was full of books. You could make people trust you and follow you, as a leader. Because you were not afraid of hard work alongside them. And also... give them heart. Give me heart.
So it's not only one thing you have to do. Not anymore.
[ He cants his head to one side, then leans it, lowering his voice as though to share a secret. ]
And, sometimes, for a little bit at a time, you can even do nothing. There is this thing called rest.
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Joshua being alive had made his life worth living. Even though he'd accepted his eikon and what had happened he still didn't trust himself, on good days. Or maybe he did and he just told himself that he didn't. He wasn't as afraid anymore. The only thing he was afraid of was losing his brother. That wasn't something he could go through again. ]
I only have those books because I enjoy reading. As for the people, I don't want to make them do anything. If they're going to follow me then I want them to do it of their own free will.
[ People had followed Cid. The man had given them something to strive for.
He gives his brother a tired smile. ]
I will rest when you learn to rest, Joshua. Otherwise, I will continue on as I always have.
[ What was this rest that his little brother even spoke of? When was the last time he'd done so? ]
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Of course they follow you of their free will. Because you care. Because you are trustworthy, and you would not abandon them or ignore them. You are a good man, Clive. One of the best any of us have ever known. Even with all that you have done.
[ He knows it weighs on Clive. He knew it had to have been weighing down on Clive from the moment he found out that his brother was alive, that impossible moment when the world finally made sense again. What Ifrit did to the Phoenix, yes, but also the years after that, when he had become a blade, a flame, used by others to cause harm. To cause death.
But even with that, Clive was one of the best people in the world, and that is entirely aside from Joshua's own adoration of him. It's simply fact. Even Lady Charon would agree, and nobody can argue that her sight is keen and discerning.
After a moment, Joshua makes a mock offended face, his hand again squeezing Clive's. ]
I too do know how to rest!
I just... [ now the smile falters. ] have had too much of it.
[ Which is true. Five years unconscious, and most of the following three unable to rise from his bed, or not for long. He has had enough rest for a lifetime. And...
He doesn't have all that much time left to afford himself to rest.
But Clive doesn't need that reminder. ]
Still, if that is what it'll take you to slow down and rest a bit, I can absolutely rest with you.
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[ Though, he didn't believe that he was one of the best of any of them.
Life had weighed him down for many different reasons. His brother being alive and not dead. What Ifrit did to the Phoenix at Phoenix Gate... Becoming a blade for those that would rather do harm or cause death.
He might not believe that he was one of the best people in the world but he has those who think he is. Like Jill, Joshua, and yes... even Lady Charon. Someone no one would argue with. Arguing with that woman would get someone a severe tongue lashing.
Seeing that mock offended look has him raising a brow. Joshua didn't rest. Not even when Tarja tells him to. ]
Your body needs the rest, Joshua.
[ Says the man who does not rest himself. Though, he hated seeing that faltering smile. Joshua had been through quite a bit too and he hated that he hadn't been there for him through it. ]
That is what it will take, Joshua. I will rest when you do.
[ They could rest together. ]
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[ It is difficult to ignore, the amazing example they had before them. And that he felt himself short, too. Joshua understands, and that is why he would only argue up to a point... but never fail to reassure.
His brother deserves all the support anyone can ever give him.
After a moment, he grins a little wider. ]
I'd argue that I'm fine, but ... that won't help my cause, will it.
Let us go rest, then. If my body needs it, I could say the same about both your body and mind. All right?
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[ Clive is glad for the support that he's given. Without it? He has a feeling that he would fail miserably and that is not something he'd want to do. Not when there were so many people relying on him.
That wide grin has him giving a bit of a smile. ]
No, it won't help your cause.
Let's just go rest, Joshua. That sounds like a good plan right now.
[ His body and mind both needed the rest, more than likely. ]
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[ Another squeeze of his hand, and Joshua rose, tugging at Clive to join him. On the bed. Now.
It wasn't so rare that Clive would have coaxed him to bed when they were very young, but back then Joshua couldn't see how tired Clive himself had been. His big brother had been too great, too amazing in his eyes. And now he still was, but he could recognize the signs now.
And, honestly, while his mind rebelled against the idea of being still now, rest was not entirely unappealing. His bed wasn't too large, but it could fit them both. ]
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[ Perhaps that is all he needed. Joshua's reassurance. Others could tell him the same but it wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't be his brother's reassurance. Wouldn't be what he needed to hear. It wouldn't be the right words said.
He feels that hand squeeze his own and lets his little brother tug at him. Though, he didn't really want to get off the couch. After a moment he does and they could make their way toward the bed.
If he holds his little brother close as if to protect him, like he did when they were little, then who was to stop him? The bed itself, though, didn't need to be large. Just big enough for them both to fit and give them time to rest. To sleep and hopefully slow down their minds, at least for a few hours. ]
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[ Joshua did consider offering his lap for his brother to just lie sideways into, but then that might have started an argument that only Clive would be resting like that, and he's really, really not up for arguments. Not right now.
Not when the weight of everything is already so heavy on his brother's shoulders, and he wants to ease him, not make it worse.
And... while a part of him wants to wrap around his big brother and make sure he isn't going anywhere, he curls in as he used to, on his side, for Clive to big spoon him, familiar and easy. ]
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Joshua could've offered his lap but then neither of them would rest, neither would truly sleep. So, that just wasn't something that he'd want to do. The bed would be far more comfortable for the both of them.
Once they're both in the bed Clive lays on his side behind his brother and wraps an arm around him, almost as if afraid Joshua would disappear on him. Though he knows that his brother wouldn't leave, not of his own accord. Not again. ]
G'night, Joshua.
[ He hopes that his brother can get some semblance of sleep. ]
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And he has not been wrong. Not once. Not even with all the things that Clive has done.
For now, he settles, and there is a soft smile in his voice. ]
Sleep well, brother.
[ And he does his best. The pain is not too bad just now, so he can drift off in the comfort and safety that he has not really known since... a very, very long time ago. A different lifetime.
It's good. ]
[Modern AU side story] Those two should never be friends, and yet ...
One particular area of observation and information collecting has been, of course, the car accidents. It was, after all, the genesis of Fei Du’s conscious involvement with the whole thing, and it’s such an unconventional method of getting rid of someone, one that can fail or backfire quite spectacularly if badly executed, that it commands attention. It’s been a whole area of work for his people to collate information about weird car accidents in certain circles, and they have been very efficient at it. So he has a whole lot of those incidents catalogued, mostly in China and South-east Asia, and a few further abroad that may or may not be related but bore too many similarities to be outright ignored.
Fei Du glanced at that information and dismissed it for the time being. It’s more efficient for him to focus on the domestic operation, much faster to cut off the financial flows from close by to make himself some kind of irresistible bait. So it’s still there, at the back of his mind, but certainly not an immediate concern.
Until one day, a rather banal academic conference announcement at his university catches his eye and a name stands out.
‘Joshua Rosfield’
It bothers him for the better part of a day before he ends up calling someone and asking them to pull everything from the archives with the name ‘Rosfield’ on it. An hour later, his secretary hands him a paper folder and a SD card, and he starts reading and refreshing his memory.
A car accident in England. A father and his two children, all dead in the accident. The widow remarrying a well-connected noble in the House of Lords only a few years later, and giving birth to another child.
Or at least, presumed dead, but as it turns out, only Elwin Rosfield died. The elder son, Clive Rosfield, appears to be living a quiet life under an alias after a rather restless stint in the military. He has a few... interesting friends, but nothing on the level Fei Du would feel compelled to investigate further. The younger son, Joshua Rosfield, is a bit more of an enigma. He all but disappeared from public view entirely. There is no social media presence, no pictures, very little is known save for a few academic publications of rather high caliber. All this feels… strange. If the two sons are alive, why are there still graves with both of their names in a cemetery in England? Why has their mother never acknowledged their continued existence, playing the part of a grieving mother and wife instead? And also why are neither of them trying to make their existence known and instead choosing to live in hiding?
And now, one of them is going to be participating in a conference at Fei Du’s university. One look at the details of the car accident, and Fei Du decides that he might as well attend. He sends a message to the police unit to tell them he’ll be absent for a few days because of school work, and on the first day of the conference, he is in the audience.
The man is hard to miss. White freckled skin, bright blue eyes, flame-colored hair, he certainly stands out in the sea of Asian students and academics. Fei Du is often called flashy, but that’s nothing compared to how striking this man looks.
Now to try and find an innocuous way to approach. The first break gives a good occasion, as the guest appears a little lost given that none of the signs are in English.]
If you’re looking for the bathroom, it’s this way.
and yet, here we are.
His eyes crinkle a little more, and he nods. ]
Thank you. --um... [ He opts against trying to pronounce the simple words in Mandarin and making a fool of himself, instead glancing down at the man's name tag. ] Mr. --- Fei?
[ He has done his best to try and learn enough to not offend people, but he's very uncertain in his sources. ]
Could you also point me in the direction of the hall that will hold the opening, for later? I won't be long, but you probably have enough to do so I would not wish to bother you again.
[ Joshua knew the language barrier would be a complication, but he did not expect it to be quite so dire. So hearing the ease of English from this conference attendee was an intense relief. ]
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He does smile and nod at the reading of his name. That's a little unexpected that he can read that, but welcome.]
No bother. I can wait for you and lead you there when the time comes. I'm a student here, and my professors would not let me hear the end of it if I didn't show proper hospitality to one of our guests, after all.
I do hope they booked you a nice hotel. The university can be a little stingy with that sometimes, but they like to splurge a bit on foreign guests.
[At least, foreign guests they want to impress and this one seems to fit the bill. His professors are all abuzz with his presence.]
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He does blink, startled, at the offer to wait for him, but that only lasts a moment before his eyes curve into little crescents again. ]
Thank you, then. I will do my best to be quick. My name is Joshua, surname Rosfield, and I am also a student, though perhaps a little further ahead. And I'm very grateful for the opportunity, so when it comes to the hotel... I would not need much, so long as I can sleep and stay warm, there. And, perhaps, have power to do some of my research. Anything beyond that would be a lovely surprise, I think.
Anyway. I shall return shortly.
[ And he goes to find the toilet, where he only spends a brief time calming down his breathing, then washing up his hands and face, clearing his throat as much as he can, and replacing his mask, in order to face the world again.
To his luck, the youth - the student - truly is waiting for him, and he steps closer once again. ]
I'm sorry if that took too long.
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So Fei Du doesn't have any qualms about taking out his PSP to play a bit while waiting, and then pausing the game to return the machine to his bag when the guest comes back. If he's curious, Joshua might see some colorful level with weird black critters.]
I have nothing else to do but be here and listen to the conference today. It's really no trouble.
[The face mask, at least, will serve him well there, because there are many, many surveillance cameras everywhere. And given how much he seems to have tried to disappear, he probably doesn't want to have his face visible on too many of those.
Fei Du remains mild-mannered and helpfulyl points out a few fixtures that might be useful - the elevators, the directions of different departments, the cafeteria - as he leads the way to the auditorium.
At least, until his phone starts to ring.
He takes it out of his bag, see Wenzhou's name, and immediately kills the call.
So of course it starts ringing again right away. He sighs and then simply switches off the phone. Captain Luo probably won't like it, but Fei Du did leave a message at the police station and had his absence excused, so there really is no need for this.
He barely even acknowledges the interruption before they reach the door to the amphitheater.]
This is where things are supposed to happen... but maybe you're supposed to meet one of the professors beforehand?
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When he emerges from the toilets, his looks around and finds the other youth - Fei Du, if memory serves him right from the conference name tag, thankfully in both scripts - exactly where he left him... and Joshua's heart clenches slightly at recognizing the device he has out as a handheld gaming console. Clive used to have one, back... before, had been teaching him how to play some of the games, too, for when Joshua was bed-bound and Clive had school and such. Now, Joshua doesn't think Clive has anything of the sort, but perhaps that can be fixed. Em.... possibly after consultation with Jill. She might want some more of his time, these days.
The thankful smile, recognizable even with the mask, turns into a slightly more intense, though primarily curious look. ]
Oh? So your focus is the listening to, and not intense curiosity with what you can learn about the topics that will be discussed?
[ There is a subtle difference - the way it was phrased put emphasis on the time, not the content - but it might well be language difference. Hence Joshua makes it an overexposure of the other emphasis in an attempt at levity, paired with his light tone and audible grin. There is nothing wrong with not being as intense about the content of a conference, either. It is an interesting mix between recent history and current events, very deliberately politically cleaned up to an extent that even Joshua can recognize. And a day or two of lectures and seminars might be the kind of variety that a student might need.
It just... piqued his interest, is all.
Then he chuckles and shrugs a little. ]
I already did that part, Professor Jiang was kind enough to spend time with me and figure out the events that I would most be interested in - and where I would be expected to be, most of the time, she went on to prepare for the opening.
That said - if you need to take that call, I can wait, in turn - it is no trouble.
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My area of study is a bit different from yours, so there is no direct link for me, but I like to broaden my horizons occasionally and my advisor recommended attending. Besides, it's not every day we welcome a distinguised foreign guest, especially not one who sends all the professors abuzz.
[It had been rather... interesting, delving into Joshua Rosfield's academic career. In spsite of his near complete absence on any kind of social media, he is very respected in his field. His papers and articles and books get cited, and he is a recognized authority on certain topics. Fei Du himself has some publishing under his belt, but not to that level.
He waves the concern about the call away.]
It's no one important. It can wait until later.
[Most probably, a certain someone will be angry if he hears that, but really, it can and will have to wait. Fei Du has managed to make contact, for now, but of course he can't unveil his actual interest right now and there's no telling if he'll manage to dig anything interesting in the short time Joshua Rosfield is here. He doesn't have time to waste explaining to Capain Luo what his note in the absence log book already says.]
Let me ask if they need you somewhere in particular, then, before I go find a seat.
tfln @zettaflair
Well. You do have wonderful source material to work with, and on top of that, wonderful taste. I am very grateful to be the recipient of the fruits of your labor.
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I know you don't like to have your picture taken much, but I also wouldn't mind receiving some, if the fancy takes you.
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I'll think about it.
By which I mean I'll probably try, but I make no promises that it'll be very alluring.
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..... besides, I am pretty sure you are going to take this way too seriously and this is going to be the cutest thing ever if you ever actually do it.